"i'm not going to fall!"

Today I went ice skating for the fist time since having surgery to reconstruct my MCL 4 years ago. My knee injury occurred during volleyball practice in HS, but none the less, ice skating made me nervous. After my knee surgery, the quad muscle (the muscle right above the knee) on my right leg was atrophied and weak. I couldn't bend my right leg for about 2 months and had to keep some sort of brace on my knee for about 8 months. When I could finally bend my leg again, it took LOTS of physical therapy and weight training to re-gain muscle and an almost full range of motion to get back to normal. But to me, my knee will never be normal.

To my wonderful roommate, today was not a big deal. For me, today was about over coming an obstacle and facing one of my biggest fears. The obstacle that I was facing today was getting my knee to move with the ice rather than against it. During all of my post surgery therapy I re-learned a lot of skills, but ice skating wasn't one of them. Leading up to today, I knew that it would be my mind versus my body as soon as I stepped onto the ice. My brain knew what my legs needed to do, but the muscles in my right leg didn't. My biggest fear about my knee whenever I am doing any type of activity is re-injury and ice in general scares me. I hate walking on ice in the winter. I'm always afraid i'm going to fall and hurt my knee.

So I got my skates, put them on, and stepped onto the ice. I would by lying if I said it wasn't a little rough at first.  It was. I have never thought about a simple movement so much! The thoughts going through my head were push off, bend knees, lift leg, and do it all over again. It took my poor little knee about 20 minutes to get the hang of it and the words "i'm not going to fall" were probably spoken a hundred time in those first 20 minutes, but it was all so worth it!  =D

As the night went on it got easier and easier. My skating got better and faster. I found myself being able to not only keep up with Caitie, but at points get ahead of her. At times I couldn't help but just think about how far my abilities have come since having surgery 4 years ago. I just couldn't help but smile! =) Being able to spend an hour and a half ice skating and be okay was a big deal to me. Up until recently, and especially today, my knee had been my biggest insecurity. After today, I finally feel like I can do everything that I did before my injury and that makes me really happy. =D

Caitie and I ice skating at the Main Street Arena.

As a side note, another cool thing about this evening is that Caitie and I witnessed the most adorable couple get engaged while we were ice skating. Who knew that faking a fall could lead to a happy ending? =)